Loose Ends

Tying up loose ends is never really any fun, mine coming with what seemed to be an ocean of stress, fear, and sadness.  When I arrived back in LA to pack up my life, I just wasn't sure how I'd fare as I walked down the long hallway to LAX baggage.  But as I approached its end, the warm air teasing at me from the opposite side of the hall, I realized that something was different this time, because what laid beyond that hallway strangely didn't feel like home anymore, but instead just an ugly, dirty world that I was no longer a part of. 

                                                     
For two days we packed up my apartment, though now,  it didn't even feel like a place I had ever even lived in.  Everything just felt unfamiliar, as the California sun still shone, and the birds still sang despite the fact that I was about to leave them all behind. 






When the Pod arrived, it truly didn't seem possible that all of my life could fit within its sixteen foot length.  And it actually almost didn't, as I watched the movers shake their heads in worry at the thought of cramming our eight years of stuff into such a small space. It was quite a scary five hours, as I wondered which box of memories I'd possibly have to leave behind.  But it eventually thankfully all fit, as I watched the movers slowly close the Pod's door with the kind of pride that can only fill those who think they have accomplished the impossible. And as they drove away, leaving us alone in our now very empty apartment,  I could suddenly hear the terrible echos of our movements off the walls, each reverberation seeming to tell us that we were no longer welcome here.

Our going away party wasn't as sad as I thought it would be but maybe my thoughts were already back east by the time we walked through the doors to join the festivities.  And although I thought seeing all my friends together would bring me some sort of happiness, it oddly only reminded me of how much time we had lost away from family while being in California; each group of friends symbolizing a chapter in our almost eight years of residency. And as I talked to every wonderful person who had cared enough to show their love for us on that particular day, I suddenly realized, like it or not, that I would probably never see most of them again. A fact so depressing it could only be eased with the thought that losing them might mean gaining some new friends that were just as amazing.